Monaco Grand Prix Qualifying

Ok, first off here's a little secret confession to the blog-o-sphere. I started this blog on the train from Nice to Monaco on my phone. But here's the thing-- since I don't know any French I'm hopeless in buying my train ticket and it's always a mad dash to make the next train before it leaves. I initially was told I could pay on the train. But I can't figure out how to pay, so now... I just ... DON'T PAY. Ever. Schweew, feels good to have that off my chest, I'm a Euro-rail thief, I'll burn in hell for it I'm sure.

So then, here I am, at Monaco for qualifying without a ticket, and pretty much without a clue. I only _START_ talking to scalpers with qualifying a mere 30 minutes away. But I must admit --I love a buyers market. I can taste the blood in the water. Said to a scalper: "Dude, let me remind you: this ticket will be worth precisely zero in a few minutes"). Met a decent gent from Poland, let's call him "Eugene". He had a few seats in the private stands in front of the wine shop at start finish. He was nice enough to actually walk me to the stands, and show me the layout (buffet style food, a few tables to eat at). It was a great location at start/finish. His asking price was either 160euros or 130, I wasn't clear, but no matter, I was planning on getting an even better deal.

So, we haggled a little bit and I pointed out that the stand he showed me (101) was not the same as on the ticket he offered (103), and that 103 was pretty crowded. He acknowledged and asked his boss (the owner of the wine shop, it turns out) if I could sit in 101.

After some back and forth the proprietor lost his patience with both of us a bit. In, what I assume was his best Soup Nazi voice, he barked: "You want best seat in house? Balcony, VIP service, champagne, 5 course meal, blah blah... 200Euros!!" ["No soup for you!!!"] So that's the deal. More than I planned to spend, but this was gonna be well worth it!

I couldn't believe my luck, and I was a little shell shocked, as it was happening pretty fast. I went from one of the many peasants scrounging for loose change to pay for a crappy official grandstand ticket (starting around 180 euros for cheap/crappy seats), to being whisked away by 2 beautiful hospitality girls to the 3rd floor balcony.

Yup, once I was paid up, we skated effortlessly through not 1, not 2, not 3, but 4 busy security checkpoints without even flashing the ticket, all while people stood in lines at the same check points. Then we took an elevator labeled "VIP hospitality only". (Holy crap, holy crap!) The only source of delay was that the hospitality girls (I forget their names), knew everyone, and the time for 2 girls to kiss everyone on both cheeks starts to add up.

Once on the 3rd floor, I interrupted the beginning of a 5 course meal, I was offered a seat and introduced to my balcony-mates: 4 swiss-germans who knew how to party, (um, sorta). They were polite and friendly, with only a tasteful hint of condescension thrown in for good measure. "Hey VashingtoonDCee... do you guys know the difference between vhite and red vine?". "Um, yeah, zip it and keep pouring".

Anywho, the sites and sounds from the balcony were as amazing as expected. I was right above the Johnny Walker banner after the start finish banner. The view extended from the exit of Rascasse through start/finish, Sainte Devote was just to my left, then up the hill, the cars disappeared for a bit and re-emerged out of the tunnel, and could be seen until the chicane, where the view was partially obstructed, but you could still tell what was going on all the way back to Rascasse. TV on the hill was in plain view.

I heard more than once this weekend "Everyone is friends in Monaco". It's true, we had a great time, and I'm never one to shy away from trading barbs, especially from a 6'4" blond, cheese-loving... OH THAT REMINDS ME-- the cheese! I've never seen anyone so excited about cheese. I actually took pictures of them taking pictures of cheese, because they were sooooo losing their shit over it. I mean there was nonstop caviar, fois gras, shrimp and free booze everywhere you looked. (yes it was hard for puff to pretend not to be impressed by the free booze). But these guys completely lost it when the cheese plate came. Apparently it was very nice/expensive stuff, they tried to educate yours truly, Mr. VashingtonDC.

..but all I could think was "yea, yea, whatever, I smell feet".

vip means puff will be drunk shortly.